If I only had thirty…

If I only had thirty years, I would plan. I would make my time mean something. I would give more, do more, be more. I would make sure those closest to me know. Not just anything and everything… But know the real stuff. What makes flowers grow toward the sun, why shoelaces are important, why love is what matters most. Really.

I would be careful of who I spent my energy with, where I gave my time. What I did with my extra dessert when I was too full to eat it. Who I would call when I had the best or worst news to share today on a simple Tuesday at 8:46 am. I would rest better once I knew how to spend those thirty years.

If I only had thirty dollars, I would make sure I didn’t waste it. I would find the place who needed it most. I would give it away, make sure those who had nothing could at least have something. I wouldn’t worry about it, over think or second guess. I would give it away without blinking an eye. I would know there was someone else who needed it more. I would rest easier once I knew how to spend those thirty dollars.

If I only had thirty words, I would carefully construct sentences, making sure each word wasn’t a waste. Taking out the extras, putting in the ones that really mean something. I would spell them all right, taking my time to make sure they were the prettiest of all words. The ones that say the most. I would rest easier once I knew how to write those thirty words.

If I only had thirty miles, I would travel them carefully. No added turns or stops. I would drive slowly, watching for the beauty that surrounds me, even on the paths I have driven a thousand times before. I would see things I ignored or passed quickly, caught up in the rush of everyday life. I would enjoy the feeling of the sun beating down and the wind blowing my hair through the sunroof. I would see every sign, every color, every car, animal and person in my sights. I would take my time. I would rest easier once I knew how to drive those thirty miles.

If I only had thirty days, I would spend them with the people I love. Meeting new people I could learn to love and asking those whom I have hurt in anyway to forgive me and love me anyway. And I them. I would take longer pauses during conversations to really listen. I would breathe longer and deeper each time I closed my eyes. I would feel grateful for those who have touched my life in so many ways. I would rest easier once I knew how to give back for those thirty days.

If I only had thirty minutes, I would love more and worry less. I would listen more and talk less. I would give more and take less. I would rest easier once I knew how to live those thirty minutes.

If I only had thirty seconds I would be totally quiet and let my eyes speak without words. I would allow my heart to say what I haven’t been able to for 38 years.

Tonight, I will rest easier knowing exactly what I need to do…

…Because waiting for a deadline is what we do when we are waiting to live.

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