Come Along for the Ride…

So I didn’t get the memo… I was in the wrong place.
Everyone else was meeting at the OTHER coffee shop. I sat alone, wondering how I would find them.
I was always worrying about finding “them.” Not even realizing I didn’t even know this soulless body I was bringing along for the ride.

I used to think anywhere but here would be better. Anyone but this person I had yet to find would fulfill me more than the empty hole I so often drowned in.
I was in search of everyone out “there.”

I didn’t realize the only quest was the one that silently battled my inner being for so long.
But when I was done fighting it,  when I stopped searching…. When I sat in silence and felt the peace speak to me like a distant echo lost on a westward wind, I was in the right place.

I was like the kid holding the side of the parachute that I couldn’t get to float up in gym class. I should have been in the spot to my right. His moved perfectly.
I was like the girl who stood at the ocean, watching the waves come in as those around me paddled out to catch the next one…. paralyzed by the fact that I never got the timing right.
I was like the one who tried to cross the stream, and missed the jump to the next rock by just an inch.
I was facing the wall when the parade went by.
I fell asleep before the ending of my favorite movie.
I searched the merry-go-round and found not an empty horse.
I was a day late.
I was a dollar short.

Until the day when my conscious shifted. The day when providence moved to meet me.
The day when everything is aligned, the Universe moves out of your way.

The day that closing the Ziploc bag lined up on the first try.
The day that I looked to the sky just in time to catch the shooting star behind me.
The day I didn’t miss a moment.
The day that I found her…
The one who used to look back at me with that empty stare in so many mirrors.
Her soulless eyes all of a sudden were too much for me to bear.
They were no longer.
And I could exhale.

I couldn’t wait for her to arive.
I prayed day and night that I would meet her before I died.
I needed her.
She needed me.

She took one step to her right and re-grabbed the parachute in gym class.
She ran down the beach and pushed on the ocean, making her own wave instead.
She jumped into the stream and swam, not afraid of getting wet.

She is in the parade,  writes her own ending, and makes the merry-go-round spin.
In perfect harmony, right on time.

I often wonder why I never found her before…
She wasn’t ready for this ride.

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